Conflicts happen in all relationships. While constructive conflicts or arguments can be healthy for a relationship, repeated fights are stressful and toxic for the relationship. The sooner you realize that many of these arguments or constant bickering are trivial and meaningless, the better it is for you. Instead of letting minor disagreements escalate into full-blown arguments, couples can try implementing strategies to nip them in the bud and maintain harmony in their relationship.
What are Some of the Ways to Avoid Pointless Arguments among Couples?
Let’s find out a few ways of avoiding such pointless arguments among couples creatively from the renowned couples therapist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.
Identify the Root Cause – First and foremost, couples must understand the root causes of their conflicts, as disagreements often originate from deeper issues. Identifying recurring patterns in arguments is essential for finding enduring resolutions. Several triggers, including insufficient affection, unfair chore division, financial stress, divergent future plans or family planning, and conflicting parenting approaches, can fuel ongoing fights.
Communication breakdowns worsen these conflicts. Couples can address these issues by having calm, open dialogues about their triggers when both partners are receptive, promoting healthier communication and ultimately diminishing conflict in the relationship.
Being Mindful – Being mindful in relationships means being aware and compassionate towards both your own and your partner’s emotions. This awareness allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
When both partners practice mindful partnering, they create an environment of mutual presence, understanding, and care. This facilitates open communication and conflict resolution grounded in both honesty and compassion, strengthening the relationship and fostering a deeper sense of connection and meaning.
Lend your ears – Active listening is crucial in resolving conflicts between couples and improving relationships. Listen to your partner’s concerns genuinely and engage with them. Asking questions and valuing their thoughts promotes deeper emotional connection and insight into their feelings.
Effective communication reduces insecurities and builds trust. Fair fighting without resorting to cheap shots or past grievances fosters a productive environment for resolution. When both partners feel heard and respected, conflicts become opportunities for growth and progress.
The Ring-fencing Technique – It is often said that the ring-fencing technique, where arguments are restricted to specific times like Monday and Thursday evenings from 7 to 7:30 pm, aids in resolving trivial conflicts between couples. By imposing this structured approach, couples are compelled to confront their issues within a limited timeframe, discouraging prolonged and heated disputes.
This artificial constraint often diffuses tension, leading to a shift in perspective where the initial source of contention appears less significant. Consequently, what might have sparked intense disagreement at the moment may seem trivial upon reflection. This method encourages couples to approach conflicts with a sense of humour, fostering a more constructive and amicable resolution process.
The Balancing Approach – Another way of tackling pointless conflicts in couples is through the Balancing Act method. Each partner identifies irritating behaviors in the other and suggests positive substitutes.
When conflicts arise, both partners commit to responding positively instead of arguing, effectively replacing negative interactions with constructive ones. This approach promotes understanding, communication, and mutual respect, leading to the resolution of conflicts that would otherwise be unproductive.
Avoid “Always” and “Never” – When couples resort to “always” and “never” statements in conflicts, they create rigid perceptions that hinder resolution. Instead of stating absolutes, express how their actions make you feel in the moment. For instance, rather than saying “You never listen,” try saying, “I feel unheard right now.”
This shift acknowledges the intensity of emotions without boxing the partner into a corner. By avoiding absolute statements, couples open up space for understanding and empathy, fostering healthier communication and conflict resolution.
Takeaway
A relationship flourishes on understanding, communication, and compromise. By identifying root causes, practising mindfulness, and implementing creative strategies like active listening, ring-fencing, and the balancing approach, couples can gracefully manoeuvre conflicts. Avoiding absolutes and allowing open dialogue promotes harmony, ensuring a healthier, happier bond.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an internationally recommended relationship Counsellor by world’s biggest and most trusted study and research-based foundation for couples therapy – Gottman Institute. She is trained on specialised key relationship counselling Skills from AIIMS, VIMHANS and various other reputed institutions. Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, is also Certified for Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is also a Certified Neuro Linguistic Practitioner with specialised training and experience in the field of affairs/betrayals, trust issues, difficulty communicating, conflicting values, bereavement, grief and loss (affairs, separation, divorce, childhood) and emotional health issue (anxiety, social anxiety, fear, depression, low mood).
Currently, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the top counsellors with the HIGHEST Success Rate with over 17,000 happy couples and individuals (based in India and abroad), who has benefited from her therapy. Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo not only practice independently from her clinic in Greater Kailash, Delhi, India but also listed on the panel of eminent hospitals like IBS Hospital – Institute of Brain & Spine, Express Clinic, Fortis (formerly) based in Delhi.
